This isn’t the quiet time I was looking for, but —

Today we spent another birthday inside, away from people, and it’s all right. We’re trying to make the best of it, even though this isn’t what we would have chosen. We’d have chosen to go to school, to go to gymnastics, to celebrate with a party, maybe.

But that’s not to be. Still, it’s a nice day. Surprises from friends and good things to do together spice up the routine. And it is a routine we’re settling into. It’s not the one from the memes I read from others- we wear real clothes and we don’t sleep in (Do you count 7 on the weekends as sleeping in?) and we have set out a new way to do things. I’m still tweaking it a bit, but the kids are settling into what they have to get done.

It’s hard to remember we only have so much time, so much energy, and so much drive. It doesn’t help to berate myself over what I haven’t done or what I’m not able to do right now. There’s a comfort in finding what I can do, and what I’m able to manage. I’ve managed dishes and laundry and two kids through their different tasks. I planned a birthday – sort of – to include things to make my daughter feel special.

That doesn’t leave a lot of time for other things. I do a daily yoga video, and that’s not nothing on my brain, either. I relinquished my office to my husband for the duration of this, and I only see it on the weekends or late evenings. So if I need my office to do it, it isn’t getting done.

I’m turning to meditative tasks – crochet, tai chi, sweeping. These are far more rewarding at the moment than something that only cultivates frustration. I’ve finished 3 projects for crochet so far, and that’s pretty amazing. My technique is improving, and I’m excited about that.

My brain seems to be searching for something to write, though. It’s just not in the proper gear at the moment. The hardest part is forgiving myself for not taking this extra time to do something with it. I remind myself it’s important to be present for the kids. I can laugh them off when they insert themselves into my videos, but I can’t keep my characters progressing in my head when they do that. It’ll be all right. I’ll have quiet time to myself eventually. I hope…

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